Top Ten Ways the Bible Would Be Different If God Was A College Student
10. The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.
9. The Ten Commandments would actually only be five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.
8. New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.
7. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.
6. Paul's letter to the Romans becomes Paul's email to abuse@romans.gov
5. Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
4. The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.
3. Out go the mules, in come the mountain bikes.
2. Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.
I want to talk about something that is new to me. I am seeing a doctor for pain management. I have learned that many of the drugs that are typically used to mask pain also carry a significant risk of depression. I thought that depression was just a feeling like "The Blues".
I was definitely misinformed. Unfortunately I experienced depression firsthand. I am typically a happy and joyful person. The side effects caused me to think of nothing but bad thoughts including suicide. The more you think about it, the worse it becomes. I think that my dad was the first to notice. One morning he asked me what was wrong. He said that he had not seen my countenance look so down.. My wife and mother-inlaw noted that I was going to bed earlier and earlier each evening. The next weekend we went to a good friend's house for burgers and a small pool party. I had thoughts of suicide dancing back and forth in my mind. I was trying to figure out how to leave my circumstances without the aid of someone close to me. I didn't want anything bad to happen to them just because I couldn't handle my circumstances. At a certain point I decided that my best option was to drive down towards the deep end, 10 feet. Square up my chair and drive off into the deep water.
There would be no way that anyone could get me out of the water before my lungs filled up with water and my diaphragm pacer ceased to work. As I pondered these things, I was engaged in conversation with my good friend. Fortunately God knew my thoughts and my possible actions and drew my attention towards an outward conversation instead of the self-centered satanic influence caused by the side effects of a commonly used source of pain relief.
Since then, I've met with my doctor, explained my thoughts and he discontinued that source of depression and we started with something else.
I am able to talk about this now only because God saw my thoughts and intentions and engaged me in a conversation with my closest friend.
I now know that depression is much deeper than someone having a bad day. I've been trying to look for signs of depression not only in my life, but in the lives of others.
After this experience, I ask that everyone look for the signs in your family and friends. Engage them in conversation and look for ways to help.
I do want you to know that I am no longer being influenced by those satanic thoughts.
Much love, Dennis
1. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, we would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.
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I want to talk about something that is new to me. I am seeing a doctor for pain management. I have learned that many of the drugs that are typically used to mask pain also carry a significant risk of depression. I thought that depression was just a feeling like "The Blues".
I was definitely misinformed. Unfortunately I experienced depression firsthand. I am typically a happy and joyful person. The side effects caused me to think of nothing but bad thoughts including suicide. The more you think about it, the worse it becomes. I think that my dad was the first to notice. One morning he asked me what was wrong. He said that he had not seen my countenance look so down.. My wife and mother-inlaw noted that I was going to bed earlier and earlier each evening. The next weekend we went to a good friend's house for burgers and a small pool party. I had thoughts of suicide dancing back and forth in my mind. I was trying to figure out how to leave my circumstances without the aid of someone close to me. I didn't want anything bad to happen to them just because I couldn't handle my circumstances. At a certain point I decided that my best option was to drive down towards the deep end, 10 feet. Square up my chair and drive off into the deep water.
Since then, I've met with my doctor, explained my thoughts and he discontinued that source of depression and we started with something else.
I am able to talk about this now only because God saw my thoughts and intentions and engaged me in a conversation with my closest friend.
I now know that depression is much deeper than someone having a bad day. I've been trying to look for signs of depression not only in my life, but in the lives of others.
After this experience, I ask that everyone look for the signs in your family and friends. Engage them in conversation and look for ways to help.
I do want you to know that I am no longer being influenced by those satanic thoughts.
Much love, Dennis
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